True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize