Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
