i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
