i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
