Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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