Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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