Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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