can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
