kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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