whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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