Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
