I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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