He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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