Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
