so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
