i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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