marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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