Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
