meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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