after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
