Christians are straight up FREAKS
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
