Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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