went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You have to summon your inner elephant
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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