I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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