I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
