You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
