Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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