I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You took a bar mat shot.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
