I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
