She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She needs sedatives and a leash
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
