Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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