the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
