I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
