The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He better not be in your backpack
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
