she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
