Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize