I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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