Who wears a wallet chain?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
