just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
