Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have aggressive nipples.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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