i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize