Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He has the fingertips of a God
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