You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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