Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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