A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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