The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
