My liver just broke up with me...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
