his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
