he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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