i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
