Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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