On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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