she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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