So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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