dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
