DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
