so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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