apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you would pick up someone in the library
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
