I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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