I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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