It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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