How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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