don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
