is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
