I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
