did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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