Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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