I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize