remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
