I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
