Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
