shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
