dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
