he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
