I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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