If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
