we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
