dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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