My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
