So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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