Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I smell stomach acid.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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