my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
