I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
