i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
