Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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