; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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