You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bring me that man meat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
