she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
