Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
