No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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