Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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