Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
