i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This house was built for laser tag.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
