If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize