well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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