That's intense
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
