I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
